Emotional Aspect of Diabetes

“This is worse if you are a type 2 diabetic who is not taking insulin injections. The concept out there appears to be that this type of diabetes is nothing much, just loose a little weight, get off the couch, swill a few pills and everything is dandy.”

That is a quote from an online article I read concerning the emotional issues that face diabetics.  I actually searched to read more on the subject because this is just one of those, yet again, when I am personally feeling tired (emotionally) and dismayed in regards to my Type 2 diabetes.  Actually, I thought about this the other day, but today it is really bearing down on me.

I’m tired!  Plain and simple, I’m tired.  Living w/diabetes consumes you in every way.  I have gotten to the point where I’m tired of everything about it and I often wonder, why can’t I just be “normal”.  I’m sick of having to think on a constant and consistent basis about everything that will affect me.  If I’m stressed, my sugar level rises.  I can’t be stressed like a “normal stressed” person (ummm……I’m realizing now that this sounds crazy, but hey, it’s my reality!).  If I don’t feel like eating, I can’t get away with that because then my blood sugar drops.  If I’m busy and don’t want to stop to eat, I must, or I’ll be sorry.  If I’m not careful before going to bed, I may awaken with a very low reading, or a very high one.  If I want to eat a morsel of anything sweet, it will affect me. 

I feel like a yo-yo, or like someone on a rollercoaster.  Up and down, back and forth, round and round!  Every single thing in life affects the diabetes.

I had another low blood sugar episode today, while in church!  Jerry was on program at another church earlier this morning at 9 am.  I ate breakfast at about 7:30 am.  Of course I had to take my medication because if I didn’t, then my sugar level would’ve risen too high.  Well, we left the first church around 12:00 noon.  That meant 5 hours since I’d last eaten.  My body let me know it.  While at the 2nd service, which was our home church, I had the low sugar episode.  Got hot, started sweating, got very weak, shaking, and was about the reach a point of confusion.  The congregation was standing as the Word was being read.  I had to quickly sit down because I knew that if I didn’t, I would pass out.  At least, that’s how I felt.  All I could do was fan myself and I dug in my purse.  I had a small pack of crackers in there, and though I know that I should not be sitting in the sanctuary eating, I knew that I had to.  I began to nibble on the crackers.  I didn’t have hard candy, which I know would’ve quickly raised my sugar level.  The crackers worked, although they took a long time to take affect.

It’s a terrible feeling.  You feel as though you are dying.  Slipping away.  Leaving your body.  And once you come around, you feel as though your body had been through a fight.  A struggle.

I’m just tired of it. 

When I got home, I tested my blood.  By then, the reading was 85.  Good, but on a low side.  This lets me know that the reading was much lower when I had the episode.  Which reminds me.  I am sick and tired of sticking my fingers and testing and monitoring my blood.  I understand why I have to do it, but i’m still tired of it.  It all takes its toll on you.

I just want to be normal.  No one’s every waking moment should be about food.  That’s how it is with diabetes.  You HAVE to be mindful and careful about everything.  You have to be prepared.  You have to think about every single thing you eat AND drink.

I do apologize for complaining so.  Guess I just needed to vent.  Although I’m tired, and still learning how to deal with the emotional aspect of diabetes, I know that I should and must take care of myself.  I am indeed thankful to be alive and well, in spite of the diabetes. 

Carla Y. Nix