Carla Y. Nix

Walking In My Purpose

Open Letter – Dear You (part 1)

Posted by hashiki on December 28, 2008

This open letter is the result of a conversation I had in my head.  It is a conversation that I imagined having with someone who plays a big role in the dysfunction of a precious family I know.  Although the family’s situation is  different than my own, I can relate to the position the wife of this family is in.  Only because my past experience, though not the same, brought the same feelings of pain, hurt, and anger.  Out of those negative feelings, I did write my own letter at the time (years ago).  God has delivered me from such a place in life, but it does hurt me when others go through what I went through, or what this family goes through today.

As I had the conversation in my head, I thought it best to write it out and pen it here.  I truly believe that many can relate, and perhaps, some could very well be the target of the words I’m about to express. 

Dear You,

Yes you.  You, the woman who seem to have no shame whatsoever.  What is your problem? 

I am very angry because of your actions.  But what angers me even more is the fact that you don’t think enough of yourself nor do you have any pride.  It hurts me to know that you are a partner in crime with the demise of a family, but it kills me inside because you are also the culprit in destroying your own life.  Worse, you are painting a very ugly picture for your daughters of what a beautiful strong woman is. 

Why do you care so little about yourself that you would be involved with a married man?  What makes you not value yourself to the point that you are willing to steal whatever time you can from a man who is obviously not capable of showing true love and commitment?  Why are you wrapped up with someone who is not honest nor has respect for the mother of his children?  What makes this man so appealing to you?  Why do you not know that you deserve better?

You’ve played footsy with this man for years.  He has been told a number of times that he is free to leave to be with you solely.  But, he hasn’t done it.  He can’t do it.  He obviously does not hold you in high enough esteem to want to be with you fully.  He will not leave his wife for you, and if he does one day, do you believe that he would be faithful to you?  He never has been.

Why do you settle for that?  And you wonder why God hasn’t shown favor towards you.  Why should He when you are not living as you should?  Please don’t think that your life is a secret from the Lord.  Remember the woman at the well who met Jesus?  The woman living in shame?  Jesus, without hesitation, let her know that the man that she was with now was not her husband.  I hope that you know that Jesus knows the same about you today.  Most of all, I hope you know that Jesus can deliver you as well, just as He did this Samaritan woman.

I should be angry with you because you are affecting a great family that I love dearly.  I guess I am.  But, I am truly devastated that you, my sister, are ruining your own life.  I cannot say enough that you deserve so much better, but you are limiting yourself because you choose to waddle with this man.  

You choose to be the other woman.  Shouldn’t you be the only woman?


Carla Y. Nix


2 Responses to “Open Letter – Dear You (part 1)”

  1. bandnerdtx said

    I hope that your sister has the strength to read this and know that even though you are angry, it’s coming from a place of love.

    Most of my family and friends knew I was involved with a married man. They hated it, but they supported me. No one “told me what I needed to be told” so to speak. It probably wouldn’t have made a difference even if they had. It hasn’t made a difference now, four years later when he’s done the same to me, but it would have forced me to be truthful with myself, at least privately.

    You’re good for loving your sister so much.

  2. Carla,

    When women choose to become the “other woman” in a relationship, I believe there is something going on with them on the inside. Something is missing and it isn’t always the need to be loved. It may be a lack of self-esteem or something more sinister. It’s sad because there are no winners in the end.

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