Carla Y. Nix

Walking In My Purpose

Simply Me

Posted by hashiki on September 22, 2008

Not many years ago, if you would’ve asked me who I was, where I was going, what I wanted, my purpose in life, why I was here, etc., my answer would have been, “I DON’T KNOW!”

I didn’t know who Carla was.  Certainly didn’t know why God put me here.  Had no idea what I was supposed to be doing with my life.  In fact, I didn’t even like who I was, although I didn’t know who I was!

Yet, one thing was sure.  I’ve always had my personality.  Didn’t always understand it (still don’t), but I was me.  The difference today is that I’ve learned to love who I am.  I’ve come to know who I am.  I’ve come to respect who I am.  I’ve come to ACCEPT who I am.

It irks me when others can’t seem to do the same concerning me.

It hurts me when I realize that others have developed certain expectations regarding me and think that I should be a certain way.  They don’t understand why I don’t think like them (or how they think I should think), or even act like according to their expectations.  It’s as though something is wrong with ME!

I don’t know why I let it get to me, but it does.  It drives me crazy.  I especially hate when these expectations turn into opinions of me.  See, when I seem to buck the expectations, then the opinions come out as though I’m a disappointment. 

Maybe that’s what gets to me.  I’ve NEVER wanted to be a disappointment.  That’s one thing that kept me in line while growing up.  I could not handle disappointing my parents, or anyone for that matter.

Now I am at a point in my life where I do realize that I will never please everyone, and I shouldn’t even try.  And I don’t.  But there are some on the sidelines or on the outside looking in who have formed certain opinions about me, have come with the answers for me in regards to their opinions, and they just can’t seem to understand how come I’m not like they think I should be.

Sigh.  Taking a deep breath.  Exhaling.  Letting it roll off of me like water off of a duck. 

I am me.  Simply me.  I’m not anyone else.  I’m Carla. 

I guess I could understand or accept it if being me meant that I was hurting other people.  But it doesn’t.  I am simply Me, and if that’s not good enough, well too bad!  I’m not even sorry about it because that would mean that I was wrong about something.

I am simply me!

Loving me,

Carla

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