Carla Y. Nix

Walking In My Purpose

God always answers…

Posted by hashiki on August 18, 2008

“And he said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’  Most gladly therefore will  rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”  II Corinthians 12:9

Yesterday morning, just prior to dressing for church service, I spent some time in communication with the Lord.   I felt as though I was at my wit’s end.  I expressed my feelings to God about the way life was looking to me at the moment.  I began to question steps and decisions that I made wondering if I’d made a huge mistake.  I reasoned that I truly believed that I stepped out on faith and that I felt so strongly that God was leading me to make the steps that I did.

See, in mid-December, I’d ended up in the hospital with mild stroke symptoms.  However, for many months before that (maybe even a year before), God had been making it clear to me that He was calling me into another direction.  Full-time ministry which includes my speaking and writing.  I could not devote myself to it fully with the strain and commitment of the full-time secular job.  The job was even causing me not to effectively and fully operate in my role as mother and wife.  It was taking me from my family in a big way.  On top of that, the strain and stress was taking its toll on me.  So much so, that I finally ended up in the hospital.

It was too much for me and my interest and attention had long left my job even before I did.

God had spoken to me time and time again letting me know that it was time for me to move on from my job and begin to pursue what He’d placed in me.  I just didn’t know how to move on because in a way, it didn’t make “sense” to leave (no matter how much it was killing me). 

As I laid in the hospital over the course of three days, God spoke to me again, asking me if I was ready to listen now.  When would I obey Him?  I heard Him, but still didn’t know how I would leave.  At home resting for a few weeks, I knew that I could not go back and I ultimately officially resigned.  Afterall, God made it clear to me that He would, as always, provide for us.

Leaving my job was a step of faith.  A big leap of faith.

There have even been a couple of things that have come along since then whereas other people make good money.  In my attempts to get on the bandwagon, for whatever reason, they have not worked out for me.  And in all cases, in my spirit, it has been clear to me that these areas are not part of my assignment from God.  What I mean is that they’re good opportunities for some, but it’s not part of the plan that God has for me.  It’s hard to explain how I know that, but I do know.

God has been keeping us and providing for us, but it has been a big struggle.  My income made a huge difference.  The lack of it has been a terrible deficit.  My husband is now working at least 10 hours a day, and 12 hours whenever they allow him to, just to bring in more money.  He has a good job with a good pay.   Yet, without my additional income, it is extremely difficult for us. 

It’s such a struggle, and I am so tired of struggling like this.

So, Sunday, I cried out to God in my praying, asking Him if I was wrong.  Did I make a mistake?  Was I in error of what He’d spoken (and spoken and spoken and spoken) to me?  I never would have made such a move if I were not sure, but obviously I was wrong.  So I thought.  “Lord, how can I fix this now?”  I cried, “Lord, show me what to do!”  I can accept being wrong, but now I needed His direction.

I pulled myself together and went about the business of getting myself and my daughter dressed and ready for church.  After awhile, I actually forgot about my morning power-prayer.   But God didn’t.  He had an answer for me.

The minister who opened the worship service stated that he felt lead to deviate from our normal opening.  He didn’t do the printed responsive reading.  He said that God had given him a word to share with the congregation.  The minister told everyone to turn to 2 Corinthians 12:9, and he called upon an individual to read it.  I’d turned to it, but I was not the person he called upon.  That person, it turns out, was having problems finding the scripture and immediately the minister saw my face and asked that I would read it to everyone.  I stood and read it, knowing when I laid eyes on it, that God was speaking to me:

“And he said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’  Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”  II Corinthians 12:9

I was in tears, praising God!  And as I praised Him, it was as though God was comforting me and saying that this was His answer to all of those questions I had that morning!  Glory to God!

Well, the answer period wasn’t over!  The minister then said that there was another word.  He had someone to read Mark 5:36:

“As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, ‘Be not afraid, only believe.'”  Mark 5:36

I rejoiced some more because the Lord was still speaking to ME!  He was telling me that I have nothing to be afraid of.  If I would only believe!

This was quite poignant for me in a number of ways.  Of course, God was letting me know that when I doubt Him that I am not exercising faith.  Secondly, my own mantra has been for quite a while that I want to please God.  I want to be pleasing to Him.  I say it all of the time.  That is a very strong sincere desire, and a commitment of mine.  Yet, in God reminding me to only believe, He also reminded me that it is impossible to please Him without faith (Hebrews 11:6).

God answers.  He may not always say what we want to hear, but He does answer.  I can say that I was hoping to hear that money was going to fall out of the sky or something.  Or, at the very least, that He would show me something differently.  Nope!  As I rejoiced and praised Him, what He spoke to me was to continue doing the work that He has me doing.  My ministry work.  My speaking.  My writing.  Although money isn’t coming from any of it, it’s what He wants me to do.  He blesses me with Grace, and that Grace is sufficient.  Without His Grace, I would be in a much worse condition.  His Grace is amazing! 








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